secondly, i am officially on the market again. so, let us just be honest- if that in itself would not put you in a rut, then you are officially someone that i need a motivational speech from. and it is not that i do not enjoy being fully responsible for myself and ONLY myself, it can just be a little tacking on someone like me. when i get into situations like these, i tend to self-destruct. not in a physical way, just emotionally. i begin to think of myself as the source of all of my problems, blame myself for things that i clearly could not control, and start to tell myself that i will never get what i deserve, only what i can obtain. in a nutshell, i just become this huge ball of negativity. that, my friends, is not who i am. just ask anyone that i know, they will tell you that i tend to look for the good in every situation and in people, but for some reason, that is just not me right now. another negative thing (see, what did i tell you) about me right now is that there is no constant flow of attention from anyone. i will admit it, i am an attention whore, i guess that is where my dog gets it from. well, the combination of that and everything else is putting me in this rut and causing me to stay there. maybe i should just go throw a pity party for myself.
thirdly, i need to go shopping. anytime that i am having a bad day, picking up something for myself usually helps me get through whatever situation i am going through. now i am not talking about going and spending my entire paycheck at the mall or where ever (although it has crossed my mind), just a cd or a new book or a scarf or something. have you ever seen the movie confessions of a shopaholic? well i have seen the movie and read the entire book series. rebecca (the main character) never really needs anything that she buys, but the thought of the register dinging when it opens, or the sound of the printer slicing the paper and the girl at the register hands you your receipt, or the smell of clothes that came right out of the store, its a high. it is something that no other feeling in the world can satisfy other than the actual art of purchasing something. now, i know what you are thinking: who is this girl? why is she obsessing about shopping and receipt paper? because my friend, its a high, one that can only be satisfied by making the money in my wallet dwindle away slowly but surely, but sure does make you feel so much better. shopping is to my mood what bella is to edward.
I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
now then. there is a positive side to all of this negativity: i have downloaded some really great music. music is also something that i have an insatiable desire for. i can never have enough of it and i can get lost for hours just looking for it, listening to it, and playing it. the playlist that i have created over the past two weeks is ridiculously long, and unfortunately i left it at home, so i can not post it right now, but while i am watching carrie, samantha, charolette, and miranda later, i will post it, along with some of the pictures of my own that i finally got around to editing.
and last, but certainly not least, i have found a new daily something that keeps my mind stimulated:
dictionary.com's word of the day
that is correct, folks, i read the dictionary. well, ok i do not really READ the dictionary, but one word is sent to me daily via text that i have never seen/ heard of/ know how to pronounce. lately, the words that have been sent to me are amazing, maybe even psychic, seeing as today's word was:
nepenthe:(n) a drug or drink having the power to bring forgetfulness of sorrow or trouble.
anyone else find that creepy? its like a freakin' fortune cookie! amazing!
ok, so what have we learned today? i am addicted to shopping and music, and i am a nerd who has words from the dictionary sent to my phone daily. please don't tell anyone.